Two Years in Joburg (Part 2) - Juggling Motherhood and Career Growth

Welcome to the second instalment of my #twoyearsinJoburg series in which I reflect on the past two years of moving to a new city after a major life transition. If you missed the first part, you can find it here. In this edition, I reflect on my journey of motherhood and co-parenting while navigating professional growth.

My motivation for writing a specific reflection on my relocation within the context of motherhood stems from several reasons. Firstly, navigating major life transitions and career decisions involving children can be complex and overwhelming, requiring courageous conversations to simplify these topics. Secondly, ambitious women striving for success in their personal lives often face the question, "How do you balance it all?" Therefore, I enjoy sharing practical stories that demonstrate how I have personally approached the pursuit of "balance" in my life. Lastly, the reality is that as millennials we are juggling a lot (OMG!!!) - trying to crush not just career goals but also to win in emotional and mental wellness; and break generational patterns in parenting and finances - and this means we need to talk, share strategies and learn from each other - and so this is my contribution to the "juggling careers and parenting" conversation.

How My Mother Shaped My Approach to Parenting

Growing up, I observed my mother rebuild her life after my father's passing, as she was left to care for two young children, aged 4 and 2, on her own at just 25 years old. Her resilience and determination to secure a better future for us were not only inspiring but also showcased the strength women possess to rebuild their lives when faced with the unexpected. She chose to return to university full time to study law, relying on her "village" of family, friends, and nannies to help raise us. Visiting her at university, watching her graduate, and seeing her establish her own legal practice taught me the significance of taking risks and not letting motherhood be an excuse to give up on my dreams. These early lessons instilled in me the conviction that I could forge my own path, even in adversity. My mother's life and the impact it had on mine, exemplified Brené Brown's idea that children do as parents do and not as they say.

"Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting" Dr Brené Brown

Reflecting on my parenting style, I recognize how deeply it was shaped by these experiences with my mother during my upbringing. When my son was only three months old, I insisted on bringing him with me to speak at a Mandela Washington Fellowship conference, I already felt then that it was important to model the balance of motherhood and ambition for my son (and for other young moms). A month later, I embarked on a two-year MBA journey at the African Leadership University, which required me to travel to Rwanda, leaving him behind, every four months for ten days at a time. When he was nine months old, I took him to Ireland to satisfy a post-articles international experience itch, and we returned to Lesotho eight months later to relaunch my business. My son and I have definitely gone through numerous changes together, with each experience creating a tapestry of resilience and adaptability.

Parenting In Jozi

It was this sense of taking risks that compelled me to make the bold decision to relocate with my son when I hit my own relational low point. Despite my significant anxiety about leaving my support system and life behind, I approached it as another adventure, prepared to face the challenges I anticipated in order to seize the opportunities and rewards the journey promised. Two years later, here are some of the lessons I've learned and the ways in which this journey has transformed me.:

• Stability: Upon arriving in Johannesburg, I quickly realized that my son was no longer at an age where I could uproot him whenever I felt like it. He was growing into his own identity and needed stability—a solid learning environment and the opportunity to develop his own relationships. This marked a significant shift in my motherhood journey; I started organizing my life around my son, rather than having him fit into my existing plans as I was accustomed to doing. Establishing a routine that provided him with consistency became a priority, as I recognized that a stable environment would foster his emotional and social development.

  
  

• Presence: Having attended boarding school from a young age, I’m still learning what it truly means to be present for my child every day. Adjusting to attending soccer practices and matches, taking afternoons off to watch a school rugby game, or showing up for a music assembly to see him perform before heading to the office in the morning has been a shift. These seemingly small moments are the building blocks of our relationship and are vital for my son’s sense of security and belonging. I have realized that being present involves not just physical attendance but also being emotionally available and engaged in his interests and activities. Simultaneously, I'm experiencing the transformation of having a life outside of my career, which helps me appreciate the importance of connections and relationships.

  
  

• Learning Together: Parenting has challenged me to learn new things that I had previously taken for granted. Children are naturally curious and often ask questions like, "Mommy, why do things work this way?" This has prompted me to expand my own knowledge so that I can teach my son. Whether it's exploring scientific concepts, discussing historical events, understanding the world around us or simply learning how to solve the Rubic's Cube, I find that my son’s inquiries push me to grow intellectually and to embrace a mindset of lifelong learning on subjects beyond what may only be relevant for my career. A major upside of doing this in a bigger city is having access to a variety of cool experiences that enriches this learning journey for the both of us.

  
  

• Non-delegable responsibilities: When my son was much younger, the things that I couldn't delegate as a mom were very clear—things such as breastfeeding him and anticipating his needs based on his personality and routine. As he grows older, it is much harder to decipher what things are okay to delegate and what things I should insist on doing myself so that I can actively shape his development. It has taken not having a nanny this term to realize the ways in which I've taken for granted the areas where my son needs me as a mother to be involved, to speak into his life, to transfer values and principles in conversation, and to model behavior and teachings in my actions. This period of hands-on parenting has deepened our bond and allowed me to better understand his evolving needs. It has also challenged me to be more intentional in seeking opportunities to teach him simple life skills that I would have otherwise assumed he is learning in school or picking up as we go along.

  
  

• Making Co-Parenting Work: Early in the divorce process, I realized that a successful co-parenting relationship was essential for my son's well-being and his smooth transition during our relocation. Therefore, it became vital to ensure it worked. Firstly, having a legal agreement that outlines parental rights and responsibilities regarding finances, residence, education, and visitation schedules is crucial. These matters should not be subject to the emotions and whims of the co-parents. Secondly, it's important to be gracious, reasonable, and flexible in enforcing the terms of the legal agreement because we are all human, and things won't always go as planned. Thirdly, it's necessary to let go of the need to control every aspect of your child's life and trust that your co-parent also wants the best for their child. Most importantly, when your love for your child exceeds your feelings towards your co-parent, it becomes much easier to set aside differences for the child's benefit and to have the humility and focus needed to resolve issues that will inevitably arise as you navigate the complexities of the situation.

Closing Reflections

Two years on, I think of this move as a chapter my son and I have written together—one marked by uncertainty, courage, and a quiet determination to build a life we both love. I've learned to ground myself in stability while still embracing adventure, to be present in ways that matter, to grow through curiosity, and to hold on to the parts of parenting that can’t be handed off. Co-parenting has brought its own lessons in grace and perspective. My son has grown taller, braver, more sure of himself; I have grown steadier, softer in some ways, stronger in others. If these years have taught me anything, it’s that parenting through change isn’t a hurdle to ambition—it’s an invitation to redefine it.

Likeleli M